Saturday, November 30, 2013

The Weekend Prophets

First off let me apologize for not making it down to help out with the Air Cadet Santa Claus Parade float. My back was totally not happy with me this morning. I should be good to go, for tear down after the parade. That being said, you may find the following somewhat amusing.

Saturday November 30th, 2013 ~8:00am - Alarm rings (said wake up call for the parade float preparation).

I run an internal systems check:

"Whoooop, Whoooop, Whoooop, Systems Failure, Systems Failure, Back OFFLINE!!!"

I get up, grab an Ibuprofen and get back into bed. A couple of hours and I will be fine.



Dog does nothing (he's sleeping)

I go to the door and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniture sleigh and eight tiny reindeer?

Nope, two clowns that look somewhat like the above photo (but with winter coats on).

Ah yes, the Weekend Prophets

"Morning", I says.

In unison, "May we have a moment of your time?"

I tell them I can save them some trouble by just going through my check list and they can let me know if these activities are ok in their religion. Their responses are in red.

  1. Do you celebrate Christmas? - because if you don't my boss will make it an excuse for not letting me take the time off in a couple weeks. Loosing vacation would be bad. No we do not celebrate Christmas.
  2. What about birthdays? I had a milestone one a month ago and I got autographed underwear out of the deal. No we do not celebrate them.
  3. So, I treat Commandments 3 and 10 more like a guideline. You ok with that? No we wouldn't be.
  4. What about Commandment 6 - Thou shalt not kill weekend prophets when they come to your door at 9:00am on a Saturday. How are you guys with that one? They turned around and left.
The dog now wakes up (better late than never I guess).

I return to bed only to be awoken by the girl asking if I can go get the boy. They want to work on their uniforms prior to the parade. I think there is a diabolical plan being executed here. I can't catch a break.

Well I am up, oatmeal pancakes in our bellys and coffee in my hand. See everyone at the parade in a few hours.


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

My 50th Birthday

It has been a week since I turned 50 and it hasn't really been any different than before. However; the week of October 19th to October 26th was absolutely crazy. I want to thank everyone who participated in making my 50th birthday a whole pile of fun.

There was the party at The Irish Harp Pub on October 19th with Ceol Cara playing, There was approximately 25 persons in attendance in addition to the regular patrons of the pub. What a night - the autographed tighty whities are getting framed and will be mounted in my recreation room for all to enjoy.

On October 25th, a couple of good friends took me to Las Vegas which was a trek in itselft - having
connection flights messed up and eventually getting to Los Angeles before making to Las Vegas. Finally making it, we celebrated my birthday on October 26th at the Hofbrauhaus. Great food and the bonus of getting spanked after drinking a shot. Thanks Amanda (my butt was only sore for a couple of days). The next day we spent a few hours at Machine Gun Vegas. I shot an automatic shot gun, 1911, 1919, Sten and Thompson. Most awesome.

Of course there was the other craziness that is Vegas. One should go their at least once in their lifetime.

Thanks all - Wink, Wink

Monday, September 30, 2013

Really Makes You Wonder

There has been a few things over the last couple of months that really make you shake your head. Now the things I list here made me say, "Really" or "WTF", they may not do the same to you. Which is fine, my brain is a scary place. Most of these things deal with driving or many peoples inability to drive.

Not that any of you would understand, especially since you don't have a Jeep, but the number of persons I see with Jeeps not participating in the Jeep wave is alarming. The problem seems to stem from the guys/gals that buy those four door Jeeps, or what I affectionately call the "Mini Van Jeep". The guys that couldn't put their foot down and get a real Jeep. To everyone planning to buy a Jeep or currently have a Mini Van Jeep, understand the culture before getting into it. Would it kill you to give a bit of a wave when you pass another Jeep.

Staying in your lane. I am sure many of you have been cut off in St. Catharines as you go south on Niagara Street and turn right onto Church Street. Kids - if you are in the curb lane you turn into the curb lane. You DON'T turn into the centre lane or for that matter the left lane. If you want to turn left eventually onto Geneva Street, make the turn from the centre lane and do a proper lane change from the centre lane to the left lane. You have those direction signals for a reason.

Speaking of left turns. Our city has recently been inundated with centre turning lanes. How many of you have been driving down the road only to have an idiot stop in your lane to make a left turn, when a perfectly good left turn lane is next to them. PLEASE PULL COMPLETELY INTO THE LEFT TURN LANE TO EXECUTE YOUR TURN - AAAAAACCCCKKKK. People should be happy I am not a traffic cop because you all would be getting tickets. The budget problem that the Region has would be erased if the cops promoted driving skills for a few days.

I was hired the other week to present a seminar to 20 school science teachers on how to be a Responsible Science Teacher - enough said. I drank a lot that night.

The Wine Festival ended this weekend with the grand parade. I haven't been to the parade in about 30 years because it isn't worth the aggravation of getting downtown to watch it.This year was different, this year my daughter was going to be in her high school junk band. They were awesome. Additionally, I got more material for todays blog.

Now a parade in every city probably brings out the city's creme of the crop when it comes to trailer trash, this past weekend was no different. The couple of ladies that were standing in front of me were no doubt involved in the making of babies for welfare business since neither of the 8 kids they had in tow looked remotely from the same fathers. That being said, all they could complain about was the spending of $50 for candied apples and other assorted, over priced junk foods. Really, those 4 year olds were twisting your arm to buy that crap. Then they started to complain about the bees - no shit - you have 8 kids, 8 open candied apples, 8 open apple juice containers and 8 bags of candy floss. You really think the bees weren't going to be bothering you!


Any ways, enough for today.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

The FedEx Saga - by the way don't use them.

So a couple of months ago I was preparing for my epic BBQ, planning the menu, inviting guests, and arranging the entertainment. During that time I thought to myself, "I would really like a Margaritaville Neon Sign for my bar area that could then be moved to my recreation room after the BBQ."

Ebay, I turn to thee, but being a noob I didn't select Canada, didn't refine my search to Canada and therefore, purchased a sign from California. The supplier couldn't ship to Canada, so I had a problem. This problem was solved by having the sign shipped to my friend that lives in Chicago.

He received it, opened the box and plugged it in. It worked - perfect. He re-packaged the sign and took it to FedEx to have it sent on to my address in Canada. $97.00

It arrived, unpacked, plugged in, and broken. I traced the tubing and there was a broken tube. I called the manufacturer as indicated on the box if there was a breakage and the customer service department asked for the sign to be sent back. I took it back to FedEx and I sent is back to California. $34.00 (Why was it a third of the cost to go from Toronto to California than it was to come from Chicago to Toronto?)

The manufacturer stated at this time that technically they didn't have to replace it because it did arrive in a functioning state to the address that they shipped it to, but because of the circumstances, they would allow for ONE replacement. They sent out another to my friend in Chicago. It arrived, opened and tested. Worked perfectly. He again re-packaged the sign and took it to FedEx to have it sent on to my address in Canada. $97.00 (Hmmm)

Last night I came home from work and saw the box. Didn't even have to open it up to know it wasn't going to work. It looked as if it was used as a pinata. Not sure how they could have mistaken the packaging. Printed on the box on all four sides in 5" letters - Glass, Fragile, Do Not Drop. Additonally there were no less than 10 stickers on it stating the box contained glass.

This is where it gets awesome - The call to FedEx customer service.


Said, "English"

Said, "Broken Package"

Hi, insert story here

FedEx Customer Service: I am so sorry, did you have the insurance?

Me: So, my friend paid $97 to hire you to send the package to me. Part of the agreement with your company is to deliver it to me in one piece. So you are telling me I need to pay you extra in order for you to do your job properly?

FedEx Customer Service: Stunned silence... I will send you a form

Me: Provides email address

Four hours pass no email - Repeat the above.

FedEx Customer Service: I will send you the form while I have you on the phone. It arrives

Me: Thanks

So there you have it. Going to run with this. This should be fun.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Path Has Some Potholes On It

Well it has been about 5 weeks since our paths split and to be honest there has been a few rough days. I am taking medication now in order to sleep and I am seeing a counsellor. I have been suffering from depression along with some self esteem and trust issues. Everyone has been saying it will get better but on some days it is hard to see any silver linings - anywhere.

Along my journey so far, I think I have been able to maintain my sense of humour. Which I guess is a good thing. I have done a few small renovation projects around the house that turned out pretty good. IMO. I have started to work out a lot (I have all sorts of free time when I am not sitting around being depressed). I wonder if I have an inmate syndrome of some sorts. These issues are locked in my head and every so often I am "allowed out in the yard" and that is when I work out.

I have noticed a few things in the last few weeks that in my head are pretty funny, at least to me. I put most of them on my Facebook but apparently I had the settings set so only I would see them. So I figured I would share them with you again.

  • In the past few weeks I have been working out my AB. Can hardly wait to have two of them. Can't imagine what six would be like.
  • Few things what a German Shepherd cannot help you with
    • Putty drywall - he tries to eat it
    • Stain baseboard - he licks it
    • Assist you in doing sit ups - he thinks you are dying and tries to give you AR/CPR
 I guess I will continue to see how it goes. Oh and Cogeco - learn your jobs and listen to what your customer is telling you.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The New Path

Last week I found out that my beautiful wife was leaving me. Although it is hard to handle at this time, I understand her reasons and her dedication to herself. She has to be happy. Sure there were some happy times but if the sum of the happy isn't a positive number, it is time to soul search and start down a new path. A new path which I hope provides her the happiness she is looking for.

We had 19 years together and though this is hard for me, I know it was equally as hard for her to make the decision. I am proud of her and support it. I will, to the best of my abilities assist in her new journey.

As for me, I am now thrust onto a new path as well. And no matter how scary it is for me, I am sure she will try and help me too. Time will tell if our paths will cross again, but in the meantime I can be happy that we were able to bring into this world our wonderful daughter.

For those that know me, I don't usually deal with grief very well (I am the guy that tries to put the "FUN" back into funeral). So that being said, I will be blogging my new path (amongst other things) as a sort of therapy. I am sure it will help.

Now anything I add to this blog is in no way a bash against my wife (err-separated wife), but a humorous look at the situation through my eyes at the particular time the incident occurred.

There were many things going on in my head over the last 6 days: anger, grief, twisted humor etc. To be honest the last 6 days have been somewhat surreal. To start this off, I was told of the separation on March 20th, and that my significant other was actually moving out April 1st (you know how the renting scene is). So kind of awkward. We can't seem to do anything normal - like the guy gets home from work and the house is empty. No, we are doing our separation in SLOW MOTION!

So on March 23rd, her mom comes over and they start to tag items that she will be leaving with on April 1st. They are crazy organized to the point of head shaking. We actually talked about what is staying and going and there was never any yelling. So I was OK with everything. Then it happened. On the Sunday I texted her that I was going to make dinner. We decided on the menu and I went to the market to get it. I arrived home and started the preparation.

Now this is where it gets silly. For 19 years, whenever she did any cooking she never, ever, measured anything. It was all eyeballing it. Me on the other hand always measured things. So much to my chagrin, I open the kitchen drawer to see that the measuring spoons are gone. Packed for shipment to her apartment.

I chuckled, and made due with a tablespoon (argh no measurement markings). When I asked her about it, it turns out her dad bought her the measuring spoons so she felt she should take them. I now understand the connection but at the time it was amusing.

On another note, I went to the doctors on Monday and he gave me a sleep aid prescription (only 2 hours sleep in 5 days) and some suggested reading - The Four Agreements - by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am almost finished it (almost got through it in a couple hours and with no pictures) and it provides me a way to deal with this and to provide me with a base to move on.

The four agreements:
  • Be impeccable in your word
  • Don't take anything personally
  • Don't make assumptions
  • Always do your best
You will have to get the book to see how they work. Hunny - I hope you ask for the book from me. I am sure it will help you on your journey as well.  

That's it for tonight, I am actually able to sleep again without my head swimming in chaos. As life unfolds for me in the next weeks and months, I will share what I can. Remember, this was a good decision. Support us both as best as you can.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Say, "Yes to Bill 115!"

Here we go... Maybe with this article I will get some feedback. I am sure it will be mostly bad, but we will see. Also, my drawing skills suck although I was using Microsoft Paint, so it did turn out pretty good.

Say, "Yes to Bill 115!", to everyone except a teacher it makes perfect sense. I was in a grocery store the other day and there was a person, obviously a teacher, walking around with a scarf that stated "No to Bill 115". To be honest I don't think any of them have actually read the Bill. They have blindly followed whatever their union has commanded them to do.

Before I decided to write this I figured I would give Bill 115 a read. Up until then I was just getting bits and pieces from the news etc. This is what I have gleaned from the Bill.

  • Can Still Collective Bargain
  • Wage Freeze
  • Can't Strike

Can Still Collective Bargain

From what I can gather, teachers can still collectively bargain but they just can't ask for stupid stuff like another month off in the summer, another 18 sick days a year, or a 20% pay increase (like they do every time they try and bargain). Seems fair to me. They need to be realistic in their demands.

Wage Freeze

The Bill outlines a "wage freeze" for a period of time. Seems fair to me as well, since many people in Ontario have not received an increase is many years. Of course a teacher would say you need to join a strong union. BS. With the current economic times, ALL of us should be tightening our belts. Would I love a pay raise - absolutely, but I still want a job a year from now. Not in the unemployment line because I bled my employer dry. OH WAIT - Glorified government works who think their bosses pockets are bottomless.

Can't Strike

Basically this Bill makes teachers essential services like Police Officers, Firemen, and Medical Personnel. Why not - when they strike they cause a lot of damage to the regular folk in this province. Increased child care (i.e. Baby sitter), lost wages (If you become the baby sitter and can't get paid while sitting at home), and finally decreasing productivity at your place of employment which may hurt that business and possibly the economy.

A school teacher isn't like a GM employee going on strike and a few cars don't get built, when a school teacher goes on strike it causes grief for everyone in the province. Effecting everyone with added expenses.

Can't Strike - Hell Ya!

Next Steps

I wish we had an Education Minister in provincial politics like Ronald Reagan. Fire them all! Get people that want the job, that want to teach - not for themselves but for the kids they are trying to nurture.

Remember, I am the guy that goes around to schools and does the Health & Safety Audits - remember the article where the teacher stated - "I don't have time to be safe. Don't get paid enough to be safe. If you want me to be safe, I need more prep time." Exactly why Bill 115 is necessary - weed out the people that shouldn't be in this profession. Wait - Glorified government worker, they will milk it for all its worth.

That's all I have.