Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hillbillies Make Terrible Neighbors

How is that saying written again?

I think it's something along the lines of "Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'." I was looking for drama and I found it in the form of the now nerve inducing DUNGEON FINDER.

A while back I finally hit level 60 with Shammy Davis, to help "celebrate" this momentous occasion I decided to invest in a dual spec. I knew that by having Enhancement (dps) as my primary spec I would be sentencing myself to hour long queues to get into dungeons. So I trained my secondary spec as Restoration (healing), I was sure that this would almost eliminate my wait time for dungeon runs. Well I was right and to help speed things up I queued up with my buddy Alts who just happens to be a tank. I think we were in a dungeon before we even queued up, it was awesome! Now the fate of this newly formed group of ragtag warriors rested on the shoulders of ole' Shammy Davis. Live or die, it's all up to me… the healer!

As the group of us sat at the mouth of the dungeon I surveyed the lucky few that were fortunate enough to be grouped with the mighty Shammy Davis. We had a Death Knight, a Hunter accompanied by his pet raptor and a Warlock, oh and Alts was on his Druid. As I looked at each of their shinny faces just beaming with hope, a small, tiny, insignificant amount of concern entered my being.

            "Hey dummy', I said to myself. "You've never played a healer before!"

Let's call a spade a spade here, I was F'n SCARED! I've never played a damn healer before. I've only been a damage dealer, period, end of sentence. What the hell was I doing, these guys were all going to die and it's going to be due to my ineptitude. Now I feel like I can tell you this in total confidence, my hands were shaking and my heart was racing.

So the six of us (including pet) began the instance and I started clicking wildly. Their health bars were dropping faster than my wife's inhibitions after two martinis.




I couldn't click them fast enough. I could hear their tiny nerd screams;

            "Save me Shammy Davis."

It was like a scene out of Saving Private Ryan, but something was different, they weren't dying. Hmm, pull after pull, they were still alive. Cool, we ended up finishing the run with only one fatality. On one occasion my buddy Alts decided to ignore my need for mana and pulled a mob while I was less than prepared. He died, but the group lived on. I resurrected him and asked if he didn't see the wall of text that was me pleading for a break so I could drink my greatly needed water. His response?

            "I did, I just didn't care."

Fun Alts!


Anyways the instance ended and I was feeling better about my abilities as a healer. That was until we queued up for a second run.

For the second instance we were placed right back into the same dungeon. Only this time I couldn't tell you who the hell was grouped with us because I never got a chance to see their names. Alts (the tank) pulls the first mob and I throw my first heal and that was my first and last mistake. Here's a tip for anyone that would like to be a healer, THE TANK NEEDS TO BUILD AGRO! My heal went out and I pissed off two or three of the attacking mobs. They turned and started to run at me. Now here's where I make mistake number two, I see the mobs running towards me and I convert back to my noob form and I RUN AWAY FROM THE TANK! What the hell was I thinking? I know better than that. I've been a squishy Mage long enough to know that (if I can't use Ice Block to help defer the agro) I'm supposed to run towards the tank not away from the tank.

Needless to say the entire group wipes on the first damn pull and to make matters worse I have Alts in vent yelling at me;

            "RUN TO THE TANK!"

After running around looking for the entrance to an instance that I can't find, I finally get back in and gather my thoughts. So Alts proceeds to pull the mob again and then…. MY POWER GOES OUT! Thanks hick ville Canada, apparently some hillbilly drove their Jon Deere tractor into a pole and knocked out the electricity to my entire street. By the time the power came back on I had been kicked from the group and the instance had finished, crap!

So here's what I learned from my time as a healer;

  1. Never get cocky, you always suck!
  2. Heals pull threat just like damage does so let the tank build agro
  3. If you do pull agro, always run towards the tank
  4. Healbot is the greatest addon ever
  5. I need to move to a city that doesn't have drunk hillbillies driving lawn tractors on the streets

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