The New Me - Update #1

I thought the pain usually hits a couple of days after you work out. At least that was what I remembered it being like when I was actually in shape. For me the pain hit within approximately 5 minutes. But Tuesday is a new day. I am going to do this.

I woke up to a cat bashing his head into my face. I think he was trying to determine if I was dead. I made a non-carb breakfast and started the procrastination. I decided to do my home business accounting, because lets face it. Accounting is way more fun than exercise.

I made it down into the basement and fired up the Xbox system. Logged in as me and was horrified to see that it didn't save my profile. Well, my profile was there but because I didn't continue with the torture Monday after I finished the setup, it didn't save the fact that I actually did the set up.

So I had to start over. Age, activity level, what are you trying to accomplish? (They didn't have the answer - Thwart death)

I had to do the 2 toning and 3 cardio tests AGAIN. Oh the burn. I was successful and I didn't collapse. But now to avoid having to set it up again. I was going to get a workout session in to secure the saving of my profile.

I chose, 'Nice and Easy' (they lied). It was 6 freaking sets of 3 exercises. I am not going to make it. But I was determined to push forward. It didn't help that everytime the damn cat walked into my "play" space the exercise lady would bitch at me and I would have to do a couple of 'reps' over again.

I DID it. It was the most difficult 15 minutes of my life. That's it - 15 minutes. I even decided to do the Zen cool down program which was an additional 6 minutes. Already I am having a performance increase.

I had lunch and I am now working on this update. Tomorrow is another day with more decisions...

1. Work out
   
   
2. Pick up dog poop in the backyard
   
   
3. Or both (might need a hospital bed if I choose this one)

I will leave you in suspense.

Really? Is it that bad?

First the good news. The family did a road trip to Michigan to see my best friend. We ate, drank, and laughed. We even started to plan our next visit. All the while in the back of my head I knew, that the week I had off was going to be the start of my "getting into shape". I had planned it for weeks. A couple of months ago I even bought the fitness "game" for the Xbox Kinect that we got at Christmas. You can only practise your "supa-man" so many times. Although for me it usually came across as the "aquaman". You would have to be part Sheldon to figure those couple lines out.

You know who you are.

So what happened? I was a practising martial artist, I ran several classes a week. I wilderness camped - for our honeymoon instead of going to Maui or similar, we went wilderness camping off of Lake Temagami. Only a 5 1/2 hour drive followed by an eight hour canoe and portage session. But it was worth it. Running around in my pastey white naked glory (between noon and 12:05) before the mosquitoes realized I was there.

Life happened, the dark life, having kids and saying we were too busy to exercise. The dreaded CF's (chicken finger) and plum sauce. Did you know in Michigan they are called boneless wings since chickens don't have fingers. Or so we were told.

I digress.

This morning was going to be the start of the new me. The missus went to work, I took my daughter to the orthodontist then to school and I arrived home and donned my silk short shorts, tank top and Jimmy Connors matching head and wrist band set. I should have known when the Kinect scanned me and the computer chick gasped, "oh shit" that something was about to go awry.

After the scan, was the series of questions, ok well three. Age, weight and how active. Again, clues were there. Exercise every day, exercise once or twice a week or never. This was going to hurt. I knew, "no pain, no gain", right.

Then the choice - do you want a male or female exercise assistant? I chose a female so she could "bitch" at me to keep me motivated.

The evaluation program started, a series of exercises to assist in creating the plan. It was 2 toning exercises and 3 cardio exercises. I thought I was going to die. I literally had to concentrate on not throwing up. Once that was finished there were the questions. Do you want the program tailored to help you loose weight? To tone up? To help you climb a flight of stairs without becoming winded? I chose the last one. Then I collapsed on the sofa. My computer trainer chick repeating the line, "Where are you going? Where are you going?" over and over.

I gave up for now, I decided to do some laundry. Have some cereal and decide on whether I should change my game name from "AwesomeSauce" to "HolyShitIAmOutOfShape". On the bright side the machine told me I lost 87 calories. Which I probably did while trying to control the urge to throw up that I mentioned earlier. All those stomach crunches. Easily the equivalent of about 600 sit ups.

I will try my first program exercise later today. when there is someone in the house to call 911. I don't have the "fallen and I can't get up service".

WOW Stuff

I keeping with my attempt to get fit, I decided to do the following:

• run everywhere, no flying or riding mounts
• do a lot of swimming off the coast of Tanaris, the water looks clean there, and with it being sunny all the time I can work on my tan
• Only pickup fast food in Silvermoon, no one is fat there. So they must be selling all whole foods with minimal processing

I will check in with you during the week and provide updates.

If you feel the Richard Simmons photo is a little too creepy let me know and I can change it.

The Ottawa Trip

Well I am off to Ottawa this week for work where I will be teaching some courses for a couple of our customers. It's the first night but I noticed a few things on my drive up today, which was about 5 1/2 hours by the way.

Day 1

There were three things that make you go, "Hmmm"

First: Did you notice that the closer you get to Ottawa, the cheaper gasoline gets?

Second: I drove up on Highway 7, why is it that people have some beautiful properties, but feel it necessary to make them look like a scrapyard?

Third: Finally, the construction between Carleton Place and Highway 417 isn't done yet. It is going on at least 3 years. I find it highly amusing that their make work program is still underway.

I will check in over the next couple days to let you know how things are going.

Day 2

Completed the confined space rescue training. I was spent. Nothing too exciting happened that evening. I ate some meatloaf, was pretty good.

Day 3

Breakfast was good although I was getting creeped out by the plastic cocks (err chickens) watching me. Glad the boss saved the day.

Went on a H&S walk about. Was humoured when the guy I was watching realized half way thru the pouring of an ethyl ether bottle (with no PPE or ventilation) that maybe he should be using PPE and ventilation.

From there I had to take a 1.5 hour drive one way to service a customer (not the fun servicing either). Realized that I would be passing the Calabogie Nudist Colony (has something to do with an uncle-in-law).

Well I decided to stop in to get a pamphlet. They told me I couldn't stay because I "didn't measure up." What were they trying to say?

I am now printing out training packages for a class that was sprung on me at the last minute - hate you Matt. 10:30 and I only have 8 more to go, started at about 6:30pm - UGH. 11:00pm - out of ink driving back to the hotel. Four training packages short.

Day 4

Teaching a Transportation of Dangerous Goods course today. The location is about an hour or so from my hotel. I noticed driving up this morning that satellite radio is not what it is supposed to be cracked up to be. I have been in this vehicle for almost a week and they appear to play the same five songs over and over again.

Had dinner with Matt and one of our customers. Was fun, watched Toronto Maple Leafs get obliterated again.

Day 5

Last day of training, rather close to the hotel. I am teaching a Basic Spill Response course. It was a good group and I am very pleased with the outcome. I am now back at the hotel completing my invoicing and answering emails. Pretty soon I have to decide where I want to eat for dinner.

I am thinking about "Mucho Burrito", but then I think about my 6 hour car ride tomorrow. Without a colostomy bag, I can see a world of problems. I think this may be a game time decision.

Something caught my eye. In my hotel room I have the coffee station. Maybe I will make a pot, I read the fine print of my room agreement and the coffee station is free (unlike the bottle of water that is calling to me, I made the mistake a while back and had to pay $7.00 for the $0.99 bottle of water).

What exactly is "coffee colourant" made of? That is what the whitener called. OK I searched the Internet. Putting "coffee colorant" in the search line, I retrieve may references to coffee colored hair colorant, lip stick color (brown lip stick, that puckered only looks like one thing) and how to colour homemade soaps. Nothing on coffee colourant for you know, colouring coffee. Lost interest, can't be bothered searching coffee whitener.

Day 6

Friday morning. Finally, 6 hours from home and the start of my vacation. I will be heading out soon. I just finished my disks of sugar (at the hotel they call them - waffles) and I am about to check out. I am tightening my running shoes in anticipation of a company credit card NOT working. I hope I can get to the truck before the counter person can react.

WOW Stuff

Been away, the hotel Interent doesn't have the horse power to play Farmville let alone WOW. I will report on WOW next week sometime.

Here it is - done. To use a famous quote from Bilbo Baggins - "I will be leaving now, goodbye." As mentioned, I am beginning my vacation this afternoon. Yes, I will be writing about my "Tony Packos Odessey avec Family". Only in Ottawa a week and I am fluent in French - notice the "avec" which means "with". I am so bilingual now.

Is That a Gourd in Your Pocket...

Is that a gourd in your pocket, or you just happy to see me?

I was at church on Sunday, we were having a pot-luck lunch. I brought my "Mexican Spaghetti", and maybe if you are good I will share the recipe, when someone I have not seen in ages came over and we started to chat. The typical stuff about the wife, kids, work etc. After he left I realized that it has been almost 17 years since I almost tore off my penis.

Right now you are probably sitting at your computers mouths agape, you may have even sprayed your monitor with coffee or an other beverage depending on the time of day you are reading this. But, I find everytime I come to think of that day, I laugh my ass off. The whole story is actually quite funny. Guess what? I am going to telling to you.

Did you feel the suspense? I just got back from dinner. I have been away for about 2 hours. I am in beautiful Lindsay, Ontario and if you follow my wife's tweets , I am going to be teaching a course in Transportation of Dangerous Goods tomorrow.

One thing about the restaurant I ate at, please teach your wait staff about serving wine. My guy filled my wine glass (I use that term loosely) to within 1mm of the rim of the glass. Even sober I wouldn't be able to swirl and sniff the wine I ordered. Also, in Lindsay, $12 buys you a litre of Australian Shiraz. Yikes, was I wreaked. I also noticed while tipsy, my hotel room has 2 of the exact same painting in my room. One over my couch and one over my bed.

Anyways, back to my penis.

About 18 years ago, I just separated from my first wife, and I was trying to balance my life with my son who was about 3 years old at the time. Since I was teaching Jiu-Jitsu at the YMCA, I had a few privileges. So I decided to take him to an open swim. We splashed around for about an hour, I am sure it was fun. Due to the upcoming events, I can't be sure.

So we finished our swim. We are back in the shower room. I have my son showered off and I am in the midst of showering myself. I washed my hair, pits etc. and decide to take off my swim trunks and wash the "parts". I reached into my Addidas shorts (that's what we wore back then) and grasped the tie string. I pulled it. Not a whimpy pull, but picture how you would pull the cord on an outboard motor. I saw the stars, I felt the pain. I dropped to my knees on the terazzo floor. My little guy had worked his way through the loop of the perfect shorts bow I had tied. OMG (back then it wasn't OMG, it was the full - "Oh My God"). As I lay there, writhing in pain, my son was screaming, "what do I do?" I couldn't think. All I could picture was the cutting of a block of clay with the "wire" from high school art class. I was afraid to look in my shorts.

My son saw the emergency phone, he picked up the receiver and on the other end I could hear who picked it up. You see it was sort of a speaker phone just incase CPR was required. Believe me it was close. I digress. It was Victor, the flaming homosexual (not that there is anything wrong with that.) Again OMG. My son told him what had happened. Victor said he would be right up to "untangle" my manhood. I screamed that it would be unnecessary and that as soon as I stopped crying I would be fine. He tried to insist, I think I threatened his life at that point.

After a while I gathered the courage to look into my shorts. There it was. The loop encircling my part was no wider than a centimetre in diameter. I gulped, "I hope it will still work", I thought to myself. I got both hands in there and backed off the loop and relieved the pressure on the little guy. I managed to stand and stagger, son in tow, to my locker to get dressed. As I left the YMCA that night, Victor offered artifical respiration. Yuck.

I got home and applied some ice hoping the swelling would go down. Next morning I took a look and found the little guy looking like the gourd I have pictured above. The bruising stayed for about 6 weeks. Literally, I was purple from my waist to my knees.

Happily, I can say it still works, because when I got remarried I was able to produce a beautiful baby girl. Who, is growing up quicker than I would have hoped. Your a goof Nathan!

WOW Stuff

You know, other than procrastinating on trying to get my archeology completed on one of my alts, I am really enjoying working on my professions. I am also afraid of actually queuing any of my alts as a healer. With all the articles I have read on WOW Insider regarding the changes in healing, I have not had the balls. Based on my story above, I almost didn't have the bat (LOL) to try.

Well I need to sober up. I hope my future headache isn't too intense when I am trying to teach tomorrow.

Have a good week all.

Virgin No More

I am no longer a virgin, that would be a Bed & Breakfast virgin. That's right, I did it. I stayed at a bed & breakfast Monday night while in Stratford. It was an experience and I still haven't decided if I liked it. It was called the Stone Maiden Inn, I don't think it was named after the lady that owned it. She was kind of nice. The place was sort of creepy with my room on the third floor. It sort of smelled like an old lady. What was weird about my stay was that you needed to take a tour. She showed you the parlour (they have parlours in these places and not family rooms). It had a TV, and a Mac (to check my email). I passed on the Mac, don't understand why they would make a computer that only has a one button mouse. Christ my mouse on my PC has 5 buttons and I don't think its enough. I will get back to my stay at the B&B in a bit, I want to take you around town.

Apparently, they put the town away around 6:00pm. Pretty much everything was closed. My host got me a reservation at a restaurant named - Foster's Inn. I had a wonderful steak dinner with a hearty shiraz.

Back at the B&B, my host suggested that I watch TV in the parlour, but I didn't feel comfortable with that, so I stayed in my room and watched a movie on my computer. I was also a little concerned when I went to the bathroom and looked up and a crow was staring at me through the skylight.

What a horrible sleep, I think it was because my bed was not aligned properly to protect me from mauraders. But the breakfast made up for it. My host made absolutely spectacular pancakes. Blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, chocolate dipped strawberries, grapes and pineapple slices. I also had orange juice and coffee. My host had a newspaper and a couple of bottles of water to go. Very nice.

I guess I had a nice stay.

Potholes

This self imposed deadline thing sucks. I tweeted late last week that I was going to have an article written and posted for Sunday. That never happened. I, on the other hand, was spent and didn't get my article written. I wrote down some notes since I seemed to be experiencing higher than normal Alzheimer's activity the last few days. But alas, I never had the time to write it. I should say I didn't have the energy to write it, I only had the energy to slaughter crap in Eastern Plaguelands.

Here we go...

Daughter's Trip

It was chaos around the homestead, but when it was all said and done, our daughter was off on her trip to Washington DC. She managed to update her Facebook status with my wife's iTouch we had her take. She said it was "awesome" so far. We will have to see if she has the same sentiment later this week after getting up at 5:00am every day in order to keep to her itinerary.

The most humorous part for me in getting her ready was my comment on Saturday about needing her underwear so we can sew her name in them. The "look" was priceless.

Earthquake in Japan

I am mentally devastated by this earthquake in Japan. My heart truly goes out to these people and their country. What bothers me is that my country is taking the, "wait and see approach". They said they are more than willing to send equipment etc, but they want the Japanese government to ask for it. How about giving them a call and saying, "our stuff is on the way, where do you want it?" Sort of like the Libya thing. Most of our Canadian citizens got out with the help of other countries so when the Canadian plane showed up (about a week or two late) it left empty. They seem to let the windows of opportunity close due to their inability to make decisions.

Have you seen the photos? I sit there slack jawed at the devestation. However; I find myself truly astonished when it comes to their roads. Several of the photos I have seen, have these rural roads being looked at by guys in white lab coats and hard hats. They appear to be measuring the shift in the earth's crust, in some of the photos the road seems to have dropped/risen by 6' in some cases. Amazing. But have you looked closer at the photos? No potholes. Other than the damage done by the earthquake, these roads do not have potholes. The area where the earthquake occured is slightly north of where I live, so similar winter feeze/thaw conditions should be prevalent. Yet their rural roads have no potholes, there are roads in the middle of our town that look like they took the brunt of an artillery barrage.

Toast and Peanut Butter

I found myself making some toast with peanut butter on it a few days ago, instantly I flashed back to when my mom made it for me when I was a kid for breakfast. Interestly, I began to make it the same way she made it for me - make toast, spread peanut butter, sprinkle some sugar on top. That was how she did it. She explained to me that the sugar was used to make the peanut butter gritty enough so that if some got stuck to the roof of my mouth, my tongue would have something to "grab" on to. To avoid cramming a finger into my mouth to scrap it.

Hmmm, I think it was a ploy to make me hyper in order to get me medicated at school. Isn't that the typical modus operandi of schools these days? They see a hyper kid, BAMM!, kid needs medication. Wait, back then there was no such thing as ADD, ADHD, peanut butter allergies; back then teachers did their jobs and parents - if the student did have issues took them home at lunch. These days it's medicate the hyper or punish the rest of the school population if a single student is allergic to PB&J sandwiches.

I blame all these issues on teachers just wanting to collect a pay cheque, parents that don't want to parent, and the perservatives in Twinkie cream.

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

I hate them, mainly because I hate cheese, but here is the problem - is it "Grilled - Cheese Sandwiches" or is it "Grilled Cheese - Sandwiches". The "-" was placed in the phrase to denote where the pause would be.

Let's review the second phrase first. Grilled Cheese - Sandwiches. It wouldn't work. If you threw a piece of cheese on a grill it would ooze through the rack and onto the charcoal. This brings us to the first way to pronounce it. Grilled - Cheese Sandwiches. To me this makes sense, you are taking a cheese sandwich and grilling it. However; most people "grill" their cheese sandwiches in a frying pan. Therefore; it isn't a Grilled - Cheese Sandwich anymore, it is a Fried - Cheese Sandwich.

Ear Hair

I was watching TV the other day and there seemed to be a high proportion of commercials dedicated to colouring or tinting your hair or putting on mascara to accentuate your eyes. Here's a thought, Ear Hair mascara for guys. Granted it would be accentuating their ears so it might not be a good thing.

Thinking about "mascara" - did it come from the latin "mass-us scaring-is"? Another, makes you go "hmmm" moment.

WOW Stuff

Finally, completed the journey of getting my original 14 - 80's to level 85. Now begins the second part of the journey, the leveling of the worgen and goblin, as well as, the professions. I must say, leveling is pretty easy, I almost got a level on one of my toons just doing the cooking and fishing dailies.

Enjoy the week, spring is coming.

The 2 4

Yes it has been a while since my last post. It's been busy with work and home life. To be honest some of the things that have happened since my last blog were just not blog worthy. But today I have a couple of items that I think will make you smile.

First off, does anyone other than me get pyjamas from their moms at Christmas time? Well my mom got me a pair of fleece pyjama pants. Just the pants, I am sure if there was a matching top it would be either a fashion police violation, or you would simply spontaneously combust while sleeping. Any way - I noticed that these pants are official Pillsbury Fanware. Yes, I am wearing pyjama pants with Pillsbury doughboys all over them. /facepalm

My second item was a text I got late this past Friday night. It was from my buddy's (I will call him Bob) girlfriend. You see "Bob" is Canadian and he was transferred to the USA for his work and has moved on from there. But from time to time "Bob" gets into these predicaments where he has to explain something Canadian. In this case the text was a question regarding May 2 4.

I explained to her that May 2 4 was usually around the third weekend in May when all loyalist Canadians celebrate the queens birthday. Or what really happens, we have a long weekend and BBQ, totally oblivious to the fact that the queen had a birthday all together. Usually during this weekend there is the consumption of a 2 4 as well.

Her next text was, "What is a 2 4?" Well a 2 4 in Canada is a 24 bottle case of beer. We shorten it to a 2 4.

"But why a 2 4?" Now I am not sure what the standard size case of beer is in the USA, but if you have a 24 bottle size, isn't it just easier to say - 2 4? Maybe we are just better at short forms than they are.

The reason we predominantly have the 2 4 in Canada, however; is that our beer cases have been scientifically designed to maximize the stacking of cases on our dog sleds.

I got the text, "Thanks".


WOW Stuff

"Cataclysm instances are hard!!" You may remember the rant Blizzards' Ghostcrawler had regarding all the QQ'ing over instances. Well, I usually take the time when I do instances to go through them a couple of times on my DPS toons, then graduate to running them with my healers, then once I have some gear saved up I will run them, usually in regular mode, on my tanks. This gives me ample opportunity to learn the instances from all perspectives.

Today however, I went into a regular instance (Stonecore) and all of the toons were level 83 except the tank, he/she was level 85. I was on my level 83 warlock. We wiped on the first pull of trash 3 times. Now there was the, "I wasn't ready excuse." from a few people. The second time it was, "My mom was talking to me." But the third wipe was attributed to the fact the tank just didn't know what he was doing.

Now you are thinking - did a dps'rs pull aggro? No, I wait at least a 2 count and he was well out front according to Omen. Our dps wasn't split - at least mine wasn't, I use a macro to assist the tank. Oh wait, that's it. He kept grabbing 3 groups at a time because he thought that just because he was an 85 in a level 83ish instance he was invincible. I guess he couldn't handle getting smacked in the face by 12 mobs all at once.

Felt sorry for the healer, because according to the tank, it was all his fault, just as the tank quit group. Ugh.

Have a good week.