Change - Sucks

Why is it that when one goes through change, one feels the need to write? When I started this blog a few years ago, I would write frequently about all the stuff going on in my life. The good, bad, ugly, funny - it all was shared. I was pretty regular with a few entries a month. Then life got complicated and I found myself only writing maybe the year in review. It's already March and I even missed the "Year in Review". Why is that? Is there only a review or entry of ones life when things go bad? Or perceived to go bad? While things are great/good there is no pause to determine how things got to this. Should there be? My guess, is that there should be.

A couple years ago my life took a tank, I saw a counselor and he gave me some advice. I followed that advice to the letter much to his amazement. My life turned around and I was really doing great. Lots of positives. In the last couple of months however; I started to notice that there was a kink in the armour so to speak. If one makes life a scale of stuff out of 10, my life was a 9 out of 10. But there was the kink. A kink that I guess really started to bother me. But why was it bothering me now? Was it the passing of more birthdays? A look into the future?

So, this weekend I initiated change. I initiated change on a 9/10 life.

I'm scared.

BJP, BP and DD be prepared to catch the pieces if this fails miserably.

On a gaming note (only to keep the blog somewhat relavent to why it was started) - I kind of enjoy the recent expansion.

The Patio Stone Layer that Could

I read over my "Year in Review" post from February and was amused. I managed to get a lot done last year. So far, this year has been pretty low key and laid back.

I did end up taking ukulele lessons. I have been for about 3 months and have been working on a few songs. it's tough when you really have no singing talent - or at least haven't figured out how to play and sing at the same time.

Here is a list of the songs that I hope I will be proficient enough to play and sing some day.

• Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World medley - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version
• Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
• Sittin on the Dock of the Bay - Ottis Redding
• Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
• Shame and Scandal (in the Family) - Peter Tosh version

 I found I am practicing a lot. Way more than I used to, during those dark days of accordion lessons. It is actually very fun and relaxing. What is giving me a some difficulty is understanding or being able to pull off the different rythyms. My teacher, Andrew Hill has been working on helping me with my inner black.

I have also been spending a lot of time in my yard. I put a vegetable garden in again this year. Last years lapsed due to the chaos that happened. This brings me to the reason for the title of this article. Last weekend I laid 60 patio stones in my yard. I put 32 up the side of the house between my house and my parents house. Due to the crazy amount of snow that fell last winter I found that a lot of snow was piled up there. Which may have contributed to my son's room having a bit of a flood when it melted. This allows me to snow blow out the enter area which should limit the flooding potential.

The remainder were used in the backyard. The Toast has been causing havoc on the yard by digging holes in the only areas where the grass is half decent. These holes are in an area of the yard that my parents may traverse when coming over. So in order to avoid them falling into a hole and breaking a hip, I decided to extend the patio (which will also facilitate the acommodation of persons at the 2nd Annual BBQ for the Sake of Having a BBQ BBQ). Unfortunately, I under estimated the number of stones required so another skid of 60 is arriving this Friday.

The laying of patio stones is tough. I don't think I am totally recovered and I get to do it all over again this weekend. It will be glorious when it is done. It will also provide the eventual base for the installation of a hot tub in the future. Yup - mid-life crisis part II, maybe next year.

Did you know?

Apparently in the "old" country, one would dig a hole, deposit a seed then pour in a bucket of shit and that's how they planted a garden. My dad cracks me up with his garden planting wisdom.

I also have my mom convinced that I need a pair of tear away pants for fathers day. You never know when you might need a pair.

That's it - Can't think of anything else to say.

Cheers

2013 Year in Review

It just turned February 2014 and I have been meaning to blog for the last 6 weeks. It's amazing how time flies apparently when you are having fun. So here we have it, a new year. I looked back over my blogs and realized I have never done a, "Year in Review" article. Maybe it's because all of my previous years haven't been as tumultuous as this past one.

I am assuming January 1, 2013 started pretty much the same as all the others. Waking up at noon after watching a Mr. Bean marathon on the television to ring in the New Year. After that, 2013 became a cacophony of crazy. Cacophony by the way means, "a harsh, discordant mixture of sounds.", but I am going to use it for the series of events that had been apart of my life for the remainder of the year. I am sure there were plenty of sounds associated with these various events.

Oddly enough, I can't remember anything previous to March 21, 2013. That was the day my wife and partner of almost 20 years decided to call it quits, apparently after planning her exit for the better part of the past 10 years. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, that one must be happy, if not one should make changes, and there is really no ill will towards her. Though communication may have been nice because it seems, I was the last to find out. However; I am not going to dwell on this. This event set the ground work for the remaining 9 months of the year and the crazy that ensued.

The break up was hard, I would have to admit. I descended into about 3 weeks of seriously thinking of suicide and as pathetic as it seems, I couldn't find a way to do it where my estranged wife and kids would still benefit from my life insurance (It seems that the life insurance companies frown on selling you insurance and then offing yourself to cash it in.).

So I went to counselling, had a candid conversation and came away with a new outlook and a homework assignment. He wanted to see me again in a month. He wanted me to go out and do some things for myself, as well as, with all break ups, you end up loosing a group of friends, he wanted me to go out and meet some new people. Above all, he didn't want me to enter into any relationship that would result in another marriage.

So here I am, pseudo single - what do I do? I buy a Lazyboy recliner and totally convert two thirds of my attic into a gym. Let's just say I have not used my Lazyboy nearly as much as I thought I would. I hardly ever watch television. The gym however; I have been using regularly (oh, OK not so much in the last couple of months). I am down about 15 - 20 pounds. I need to get back on my schedule because Speedo season is approaching and I want to get down to 220lbs (currently at about 240lbs).

I reconnected with some old friends, established more contact with current acquaintances and met new friends. I have come to the realization that I suck at anything music trivia related. I am thinking of taking ukulele lessons just so I can help out at the 2nd Annual BBQ for the Sake of Having a BBQ, BBQ. Andrew - I will be talking to you about this. I also met some new friends due to an unfortunate car accident. My Jeep nor myself were injured. I want to thank my new friends for helping me feel what being loved again is like. Did some camping at a period re-enactment and drank a lot of grog - totally looking forward to going again this year.

I have discovered that you can do more in the middle of a road than just play hockey. My chiropractor is in a Blues Band (the name of which escapes me - I am sure he will give me shit about that), I enjoy Celtic music because every so often you can scream, "Up yer Kilt!!", and I love quiet walks on the beach (just threw that in).

The aforementioned, "BBQ for the Sake of Having a BBQ, BBQ" was an awesome event and I am looking forward to an even better event this year. We had live music played for almost 5 hours plus a ton of food and drink for all those that attended. Plan to attend this years event which will tentatively be held on June 29th, 2014. The date may change once I know how that weekend works out. I want to make sure the guests have time to recuperate.

I turned 50 this year, a milestone and I wanted to have a birthday party. I never have birthday parties. The last one was a surprise party for my 30th I think (Thanks Fran). So this year I wanted one for my 50th. The party started on the 19th of October and ended on the 28th. This could be where the cacophony comes into play. The first event was held at The Irish Harp Pub in NOTL on the 19th, a series of interesting activities involving cupcakes during the week, and a birthday weekend of drinking and machine guns in Las Vegas with Bob and Jake. While in Vegas we ate at the Hofbrauhaus Las Vegas where I had a large number of shots and accepted the resultant spankings. I think this may be why am currently having treatment for a nerve issue in my ass. Totally worth it though.

I had to declare pseudo bankruptcy since I conveniently ended up with all the credit card debt. Should have done it sooner, I actually have a savings account now with a few bucks in it. My Jeep is totally mine due to a bank mistake and I am on a pretty tight budget which has been going pretty well. It put a bit of a damper on Christmas but it helped me realize what the season is all about.

Christmas as I mentioned was on a tight budget. I would have to say it was tough (mentally and financially), considering I really didn't have the "usual family" to celebrate it with. We ended up having turkey in a box with all the fixings. It was sort of like Tim Allen in the Santa Clause, except there wasn't an elf name Bernard helping me navigate through it. Not sure how I will celebrate it in 2014. Maybe I will just go away for the week.

Near the end of 2013, I started to have an appreciation for baking, "Spoon!", "Bowl!", "Slice!". That's all I will say about that.

Well, here's to 2014, the drinking, the sites and sounds, the chaffing. Can hardly wait.

A special thank you to the following for getting me through this past year - Kaycie, Dustin, Fran, Barb, Bryan, Bob, Jake and the ladies from work. If I have forgotten anyone, sorry.

Cheers

The Weekend Prophets

First off let me apologize for not making it down to help out with the Air Cadet Santa Claus Parade float. My back was totally not happy with me this morning. I should be good to go, for tear down after the parade. That being said, you may find the following somewhat amusing.

Saturday November 30th, 2013 ~8:00am - Alarm rings (said wake up call for the parade float preparation).


I run an internal systems check:

"Whoooop, Whoooop, Whoooop, Systems Failure, Systems Failure, Back OFFLINE!!!"

I get up, grab an Ibuprofen and get back into bed. A couple of hours and I will be fine.

~9:00am

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, Heathen.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, Heathen.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, Heathen.

Dog does nothing (he's sleeping)

I go to the door and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniture sleigh and eight tiny reindeer?

Nope, two clowns that look somewhat like the above photo (but with winter coats on).

Ah yes, the Weekend Prophets

"Morning", I says.

In unison, "May we have a moment of your time?"

I tell them I can save them some trouble by just going through my check list and they can let me know if these activities are ok in their religion. Their responses are in red.

1. Do you celebrate Christmas? - because if you don't my boss will make it an excuse for not letting me take the time off in a couple weeks. Loosing vacation would be bad. No we do not celebrate Christmas.
2. What about birthdays? I had a milestone one a month ago and I got autographed underwear out of the deal. No we do not celebrate them.
3. So, I treat Commandments 3 and 10 more like a guideline. You ok with that? No we wouldn't be.
4. What about Commandment 6 - Thou shalt not kill weekend prophets when they come to your door at 9:00am on a Saturday. How are you guys with that one? They turned around and left.

The dog now wakes up (better late than never I guess).

I return to bed only to be awoken by the girl asking if I can go get the boy. They want to work on their uniforms prior to the parade. I think there is a diabolical plan being executed here. I can't catch a break.

Well I am up, oatmeal pancakes in our bellys and coffee in my hand. See everyone at the parade in a few hours.

Cheers

My 50th Birthday

It has been a week since I turned 50 and it hasn't really been any different than before. However; the week of October 19th to October 26th was absolutely crazy. I want to thank everyone who participated in making my 50th birthday a whole pile of fun.

There was the party at The Irish Harp Pub on October 19th with Ceol Cara playing, There was approximately 25 persons in attendance in addition to the regular patrons of the pub. What a night - the autographed tighty whities are getting framed and will be mounted in my recreation room for all to enjoy.

On October 25th, a couple of good friends took me to Las Vegas which was a trek in itselft - having
connection flights messed up and eventually getting to Los Angeles before making to Las Vegas. Finally making it, we celebrated my birthday on October 26th at the Hofbrauhaus. Great food and the bonus of getting spanked after drinking a shot. Thanks Amanda (my butt was only sore for a couple of days). The next day we spent a few hours at Machine Gun Vegas. I shot an automatic shot gun, 1911, 1919, Sten and Thompson. Most awesome.

Of course there was the other craziness that is Vegas. One should go their at least once in their lifetime.

Thanks all - Wink, Wink

Really Makes You Wonder

There has been a few things over the last couple of months that really make you shake your head. Now the things I list here made me say, "Really" or "WTF", they may not do the same to you. Which is fine, my brain is a scary place. Most of these things deal with driving or many peoples inability to drive.

Not that any of you would understand, especially since you don't have a Jeep, but the number of persons I see with Jeeps not participating in the Jeep wave is alarming. The problem seems to stem from the guys/gals that buy those four door Jeeps, or what I affectionately call the "Mini Van Jeep". The guys that couldn't put their foot down and get a real Jeep. To everyone planning to buy a Jeep or currently have a Mini Van Jeep, understand the culture before getting into it. Would it kill you to give a bit of a wave when you pass another Jeep.

Staying in your lane. I am sure many of you have been cut off in St. Catharines as you go south on Niagara Street and turn right onto Church Street. Kids - if you are in the curb lane you turn into the curb lane. You DON'T turn into the centre lane or for that matter the left lane. If you want to turn left eventually onto Geneva Street, make the turn from the centre lane and do a proper lane change from the centre lane to the left lane. You have those direction signals for a reason.

Speaking of left turns. Our city has recently been inundated with centre turning lanes. How many of you have been driving down the road only to have an idiot stop in your lane to make a left turn, when a perfectly good left turn lane is next to them. PLEASE PULL COMPLETELY INTO THE LEFT TURN LANE TO EXECUTE YOUR TURN - AAAAAACCCCKKKK. People should be happy I am not a traffic cop because you all would be getting tickets. The budget problem that the Region has would be erased if the cops promoted driving skills for a few days.

I was hired the other week to present a seminar to 20 school science teachers on how to be a Responsible Science Teacher - enough said. I drank a lot that night.

The Wine Festival ended this weekend with the grand parade. I haven't been to the parade in about 30 years because it isn't worth the aggravation of getting downtown to watch it.This year was different, this year my daughter was going to be in her high school junk band. They were awesome. Additionally, I got more material for todays blog.

Now a parade in every city probably brings out the city's creme of the crop when it comes to trailer trash, this past weekend was no different. The couple of ladies that were standing in front of me were no doubt involved in the making of babies for welfare business since neither of the 8 kids they had in tow looked remotely from the same fathers. That being said, all they could complain about was the spending of $50 for candied apples and other assorted, over priced junk foods. Really, those 4 year olds were twisting your arm to buy that crap. Then they started to complain about the bees - no shit - you have 8 kids, 8 open candied apples, 8 open apple juice containers and 8 bags of candy floss. You really think the bees weren't going to be bothering you!

Ugh

Any ways, enough for today.

The FedEx Saga - by the way don't use them.

So a couple of months ago I was preparing for my epic BBQ, planning the menu, inviting guests, and arranging the entertainment. During that time I thought to myself, "I would really like a Margaritaville Neon Sign for my bar area that could then be moved to my recreation room after the BBQ."

Ebay, I turn to thee, but being a noob I didn't select Canada, didn't refine my search to Canada and therefore, purchased a sign from California. The supplier couldn't ship to Canada, so I had a problem. This problem was solved by having the sign shipped to my friend that lives in Chicago.

He received it, opened the box and plugged it in. It worked - perfect. He re-packaged the sign and took it to FedEx to have it sent on to my address in Canada. $97.00

It arrived, unpacked, plugged in, and broken. I traced the tubing and there was a broken tube. I called the manufacturer as indicated on the box if there was a breakage and the customer service department asked for the sign to be sent back. I took it back to FedEx and I sent is back to California. $34.00 (Why was it a third of the cost to go from Toronto to California than it was to come from Chicago to Toronto?)

The manufacturer stated at this time that technically they didn't have to replace it because it did arrive in a functioning state to the address that they shipped it to, but because of the circumstances, they would allow for ONE replacement. They sent out another to my friend in Chicago. It arrived, opened and tested. Worked perfectly. He again re-packaged the sign and took it to FedEx to have it sent on to my address in Canada. $97.00 (Hmmm)

Last night I came home from work and saw the box. Didn't even have to open it up to know it wasn't going to work. It looked as if it was used as a pinata. Not sure how they could have mistaken the packaging. Printed on the box on all four sides in 5" letters - Glass, Fragile, Do Not Drop. Additonally there were no less than 10 stickers on it stating the box contained glass.

This is where it gets awesome - The call to FedEx customer service.

Answer

Said, "English"

Said, "Broken Package"

Hi, insert story here

FedEx Customer Service: I am so sorry, did you have the insurance?

Me: So, my friend paid $97 to hire you to send the package to me. Part of the agreement with your company is to deliver it to me in one piece. So you are telling me I need to pay you extra in order for you to do your job properly?

FedEx Customer Service: Stunned silence... I will send you a form

Me: Provides email address

Four hours pass no email - Repeat the above.

FedEx Customer Service: I will send you the form while I have you on the phone. It arrives

Me: Thanks

So there you have it. Going to run with this. This should be fun.

The Path Has Some Potholes On It

Well it has been about 5 weeks since our paths split and to be honest there has been a few rough days. I am taking medication now in order to sleep and I am seeing a counsellor. I have been suffering from depression along with some self esteem and trust issues. Everyone has been saying it will get better but on some days it is hard to see any silver linings - anywhere.

Along my journey so far, I think I have been able to maintain my sense of humour. Which I guess is a good thing. I have done a few small renovation projects around the house that turned out pretty good. IMO. I have started to work out a lot (I have all sorts of free time when I am not sitting around being depressed). I wonder if I have an inmate syndrome of some sorts. These issues are locked in my head and every so often I am "allowed out in the yard" and that is when I work out.

I have noticed a few things in the last few weeks that in my head are pretty funny, at least to me. I put most of them on my Facebook but apparently I had the settings set so only I would see them. So I figured I would share them with you again.

• In the past few weeks I have been working out my AB. Can hardly wait to have two of them. Can't imagine what six would be like.
• Few things what a German Shepherd cannot help you with
• Putty drywall - he tries to eat it
• Stain baseboard - he licks it
• Assist you in doing sit ups - he thinks you are dying and tries to give you AR/CPR

 I guess I will continue to see how it goes. Oh and Cogeco - learn your jobs and listen to what your customer is telling you.

The New Path

Last week I found out that my beautiful wife was leaving me. Although it is hard to handle at this time, I understand her reasons and her dedication to herself. She has to be happy. Sure there were some happy times but if the sum of the happy isn't a positive number, it is time to soul search and start down a new path. A new path which I hope provides her the happiness she is looking for.

We had 19 years together and though this is hard for me, I know it was equally as hard for her to make the decision. I am proud of her and support it. I will, to the best of my abilities assist in her new journey.

As for me, I am now thrust onto a new path as well. And no matter how scary it is for me, I am sure she will try and help me too. Time will tell if our paths will cross again, but in the meantime I can be happy that we were able to bring into this world our wonderful daughter.

For those that know me, I don't usually deal with grief very well (I am the guy that tries to put the "FUN" back into funeral). So that being said, I will be blogging my new path (amongst other things) as a sort of therapy. I am sure it will help.

Now anything I add to this blog is in no way a bash against my wife (err-separated wife), but a humorous look at the situation through my eyes at the particular time the incident occurred.

There were many things going on in my head over the last 6 days: anger, grief, twisted humor etc. To be honest the last 6 days have been somewhat surreal. To start this off, I was told of the separation on March 20th, and that my significant other was actually moving out April 1st (you know how the renting scene is). So kind of awkward. We can't seem to do anything normal - like the guy gets home from work and the house is empty. No, we are doing our separation in SLOW MOTION!

So on March 23rd, her mom comes over and they start to tag items that she will be leaving with on April 1st. They are crazy organized to the point of head shaking. We actually talked about what is staying and going and there was never any yelling. So I was OK with everything. Then it happened. On the Sunday I texted her that I was going to make dinner. We decided on the menu and I went to the market to get it. I arrived home and started the preparation.

Now this is where it gets silly. For 19 years, whenever she did any cooking she never, ever, measured anything. It was all eyeballing it. Me on the other hand always measured things. So much to my chagrin, I open the kitchen drawer to see that the measuring spoons are gone. Packed for shipment to her apartment.

I chuckled, and made due with a tablespoon (argh no measurement markings). When I asked her about it, it turns out her dad bought her the measuring spoons so she felt she should take them. I now understand the connection but at the time it was amusing.

On another note, I went to the doctors on Monday and he gave me a sleep aid prescription (only 2 hours sleep in 5 days) and some suggested reading - The Four Agreements - by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am almost finished it (almost got through it in a couple hours and with no pictures) and it provides me a way to deal with this and to provide me with a base to move on.

The four agreements:

• Be impeccable in your word
• Don't take anything personally
• Don't make assumptions
• Always do your best

You will have to get the book to see how they work. Hunny - I hope you ask for the book from me. I am sure it will help you on your journey as well.  

That's it for tonight, I am actually able to sleep again without my head swimming in chaos. As life unfolds for me in the next weeks and months, I will share what I can. Remember, this was a good decision. Support us both as best as you can.

Say, "Yes to Bill 115!"

Here we go... Maybe with this article I will get some feedback. I am sure it will be mostly bad, but we will see. Also, my drawing skills suck although I was using Microsoft Paint, so it did turn out pretty good.

Say, "Yes to Bill 115!", to everyone except a teacher it makes perfect sense. I was in a grocery store the other day and there was a person, obviously a teacher, walking around with a scarf that stated "No to Bill 115". To be honest I don't think any of them have actually read the Bill. They have blindly followed whatever their union has commanded them to do.

Before I decided to write this I figured I would give Bill 115 a read. Up until then I was just getting bits and pieces from the news etc. This is what I have gleaned from the Bill.

• Can Still Collective Bargain
• Wage Freeze
• Can't Strike

Can Still Collective Bargain

From what I can gather, teachers can still collectively bargain but they just can't ask for stupid stuff like another month off in the summer, another 18 sick days a year, or a 20% pay increase (like they do every time they try and bargain). Seems fair to me. They need to be realistic in their demands.

Wage Freeze

The Bill outlines a "wage freeze" for a period of time. Seems fair to me as well, since many people in Ontario have not received an increase is many years. Of course a teacher would say you need to join a strong union. BS. With the current economic times, ALL of us should be tightening our belts. Would I love a pay raise - absolutely, but I still want a job a year from now. Not in the unemployment line because I bled my employer dry. OH WAIT - Glorified government works who think their bosses pockets are bottomless.

Can't Strike

Basically this Bill makes teachers essential services like Police Officers, Firemen, and Medical Personnel. Why not - when they strike they cause a lot of damage to the regular folk in this province. Increased child care (i.e. Baby sitter), lost wages (If you become the baby sitter and can't get paid while sitting at home), and finally decreasing productivity at your place of employment which may hurt that business and possibly the economy.

A school teacher isn't like a GM employee going on strike and a few cars don't get built, when a school teacher goes on strike it causes grief for everyone in the province. Effecting everyone with added expenses.

Can't Strike - Hell Ya!

Next Steps

I wish we had an Education Minister in provincial politics like Ronald Reagan. Fire them all! Get people that want the job, that want to teach - not for themselves but for the kids they are trying to nurture.

Remember, I am the guy that goes around to schools and does the Health & Safety Audits - remember the article where the teacher stated - "I don't have time to be safe. Don't get paid enough to be safe. If you want me to be safe, I need more prep time." Exactly why Bill 115 is necessary - weed out the people that shouldn't be in this profession. Wait - Glorified government worker, they will milk it for all its worth.

That's all I have.

The Chicago Trip

Happy Labour Day! Well ok, it is the day after, but usually this is the day that most parents are most happy about anyway. Back to school day. My blog today isn't going to be about that, it is going to be about my trip to Chicago. It is also going to discuss modes of transport and other silly things I noticed during my trip.

Transportation
The first silly thing was booking the mode of transportation. Why in the world would anyone want to travel by train. From my house to Chicago and back was $196 with a whopping 20 hours total on the train. Or $204 round trip for a plane ticket with less than 3 hours on the plane. No brainer. Trains are definitely not the mode of transportation if you are just trying to get away for a weekend.

Airports - Buffalo "International" is like a portable behind a Catholic High School compared to O'Hare in Chicago. Wow, almost overwhelming. Also, have any of you arrived at O'Hare and had to get picked up? You walk out of Terminal 3 to see 6 lanes of traffic with a sidewalk between every two lanes. I had to get to the second sidewalk to be picked up by regular folk as the first two areas are for cab pick ups only. No cops directing traffic, no lights. Look to my left, look to my right - a "flambouyant" flight attendant. I guess he read my facial expression.

"Just walk right out", he says.

Sounds of screeching tires as cabbies try and break when he steps off the curb with nary a concern.

"If they hit you, you sue them!", he yells.

We make it to the first sidewalk. I try and gather my wits.

"Don't stop, two more lanes to go!"


Additional sounds of screeching.

Second sidewalk, now I wait for Bob (pseudonym).

"Bub-bye", he says (as he strolls out into the final set of lanes before the parking garage) 


Now we have screeching and the added horn blowing.

As he walked away all I could think of was unicorns, rainbows and faery dust (Not that there is anything wrong with that - really there isn't!). I was surprised he was still alive based on how he walks out into traffic.

The Night Time Tour
Bob (pseudonym) picks me up moments after my white knight walks off into the darkness that is O'Hares parking garage system. He proceeds to take me through downtown Chicago to show me some of the sites - its dark so I am not sure how much I am going to retain. We get to his place, I unpack (basically throw my suitcase into the corner) and we head out into the Chicago night.

He takes me to Taylor Street, which is "little Italy" to a place called Hawkeye's. Absolutely wonderful - you can get tater tots instead of fries and you get to "build" your burger (with a pretzel bun). Yum.

The Ball Game
Friday was a relaxing - Bob (a pseudonym honestly) had to work but when he got home around 3:30 we were going to head to US Cellular Field to watch the White Sox play the Seatle Mariners.

The Waitress
This requires a separate subsection. Before the game we stopped into the Bacardi Restaurant for a few drinks and some food before be entered the stadium. We order a couple drinks and they are brought to the table behind us about 10 minutes later. She sets them down in from of a black guy and a white guy. They say they didn't order them. She proceeds to fight with them saying they did and that she was going to get them thrown out if they don't pay for them. We lean over and remind her that they were our drinks. She then takes our food order. You guessed it, about 15 minutes later she brings the food to the table on the other side of us that had 5 guys sitting at it (including a black guy) and argues with them about ordering the food and needing to pay up. Again we let her know that it was our food. She brings it over. Now really - 2 pastie white guys being confused with 2 other guys (one black) and a whole table of 5 guys (including a black guy). Wow this waitress can truly fit into the "dumb as a stump" category.

It gets better, we realize that game time is quickly approaching. We decided we are going to ask her for the bill (we did ask for two more drinks earlier but never got them), and see how long it took her to get it to us. We asked for the bill, after she left I throw out there that my prediction would be 13 minutes before our bill comes back. Well thirteen minutes later she comese to our table and askes if we would like anything else. We said, "no - just the bill". Yup another 13 minutes before if finally arrived. Luckily the missing drinks were not on our bill. It would have been difficult to prove that we didn't get them. No tip for her.  

Back to the game...Typical baseball game - yawn until the 9th inning when is got exciting. Sox lose like a 6 run lead to be down one in the top of the ninth. Bottom of the ninth they score 2 to win the game. Pretty exciting, sort of like the Toronto Maple Leafs, without the coming back to win part.

Segway Tour
You have to get one of these things, what a freakin' blast. We went on an Architectural Tour of Chicago with a very knowledgeable guide that made the tour extremely enjoyable. Totally recommend this tour if you are in Chicago, but remember don't lean too far forward or you will fall on your face and be spitting "chiclets" for the rest of the day (say the "remember" line with a Boston accent and I guarantee that you will chuckle on the inside). Watch out for Pomeranians.

Lunch at the Cheesecake Factory
Nothing can be added here except for us having an excellent waiter. Everyone needs to go to at least once to a Cheesecake Factory in their lifetime.

Shopping and the Navy Pier
After lunch we went to a mall in downtown Chicago that had a 4 or 6 storey Macy's in it. Picked up a pair of jeans for my daughter using quite a bit of electronic communications (photo of jeans, text to wife for approval, then discussion of size). Got jeans, took a cab to Navy Pier. Got the souvenir shopping done for the kids. Best part is the walking through the gate at Navy Peir and buying an alcoholic beverage to sip while you stroll the pier. Public drunkeness is totally acceptable I guess.

Quiet Sunday
Well we were pretty tired. We got up had waffles and watched the clouds open up - so much so that Bob (really not his name) was getting flash flood warnings sent to his smartphone for the greater Chicago area. We decided the museum could wait for when I come back (with my wife). So we went shopping (I needed some clothes desparately - Kohl's all the way). Returned to his apartment and played video games and watched movies for the rest of the day. Early to bed - had to get up early for my flight. Had to be at O'Hare by 6:00am.


The Flight
Early morning flight was relatively peaceful. The bus ride home was entertaining. Eleven persons on the bus, we get to the border, 10 get through immigration, the last one forgot some of their paperwork and the immigration officials decided a strip search was in order. That was 45 minutes. Now some of you are thinking - that is not too bad, however; considering the actual drive from my house to the airport is 45 minutes, the strip search doubled my travel time.Although it gave us something to chat about while we were waiting the other passenger to come back to the bus.

Home
I was home about 1:00pm Monday, handed out the souvenirs - the one that particularly mademe chuckle was the t-shirt I got my son that read, "my momma thinks I am special", which I got from the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. My daughter thought it hilarious until I pulled a gym clothes bag out of my suitcase that said the same thing. Funny thing is she has been carrying it around quite a bit. I guess I was successful with the souvenirs.


Have a pleasant back to school.

The Toast

A lot has happened over the last couple months. You would have read my last post about the mid-life crisis. Now I am writing to you about The Toast. There's a photo of him included. We got a new puppy. The photo of him is at about 9 weeks. Now he is about 14 weeks old and growing into his ears and feet quite nicely.

He is a pure bred German Shepherd named - Toast with raspberry jam Kallie VonBaron Goodheart. "Toast" for short (I throw the "with raspberry jam" in there just to bug my daughter).

We used to have Bear a wonderful Golden Retriever that we had for 14 years. Everyday I think our whole family misses him greatly. When he died we decided to take some time before deciding to get a new dog. A year later it felt right and we began to talk about it. We talked about another Golden - then decided it wouldn't be right. We would always be comparing him to Bear. Then we thought that maybe a German Shepherd/Golden Retriever cross, but found the photos of them on the Internet also had too much "Bear" in them. So it was decided that a pure bred German Shepherd was the way to go.

We brought him home on July 11, 2012. We don't compare him to Bear, although the odd "Bear" slips out sometimes. I attribute that faux pas to becoming senile like my mom. We compare him to TRIPLETS. Wholly crap - a puppy is work. We couldn't think back far enough to remember if Bear was like this. He is getting a lot better though. We have been working with him and he had his first puppy training class last week. His next one is tomorrow. He is a smart cookie - err Toast.

A couple of times however he did a few things that Bear would do. I had the chill down my spine. I think he (Bear) is in there looking out for us. Things will be fine. If Bear is in there for the second time around, he learned a few things in dog heaven. He can now play fetch.

Well, I am crying now. Bear I love and miss you, Toast, I can't wait to see how you have grown when I get home. Wife - Chicago is scary shopping. All the stores - Tiffany's, Bloomingdales, The Disney Store, Gucci - my itinerary item of "get something for wife" is looking expensive. Girl - You and the boy better not be getting in trouble, The Plug - go have a shower and register for school.

WOW Stuff

On hiatus.

Cya  

The Mid-Life

Yes, I know I am always apologizing. I guess it would be difficult for me to be a writer. Or least it would be difficult for me to be a writer that has to have a weekly column in order to get a paycheque. I am a bit inconsistent. Then again writing could be my full-time job. I would be a bit thinner and, "oh yeah", I would have that writers block and it would be over.

So the day job it is and the inconsistency that comes with it.

I am in Chicago this weekend, I will get to that story later, but first I have to get you caught up on the last couple months. I might have about 3 posts this weekend (intoxication permitting). If writing was feast or famine - this would be a feasting month.

I had permission to have my mid-life crisis in July. Yeah I bought the Jeep pictured above.  35" tires - like gliding along on 4 water balloons. It's a lot of fun. How did it come to pass? Well, I'll tell you. Several years ago I mentioned to my wife that for my 50th birthday I wanted to get a Jeep. I always wanted one and I wanted to make it happen as a birthday present to myself. It was agreed.

However; in July (the 2nd) to be exact, I received a phone call at about 3:30am.

Alt37's bedroom, wife blissfully snoring away

Ring, ring, RRRIIIIINNNNNGGG

Alt37: Hello (groggy)

Unidentified person: Dad (person now identified - to be referred to from now on as "The Plug")

Alt37: What's up (still very groggy)

The Plug: You know on the highway, the turn, the Aveo, the...

Alt37: (still groggy but starting to get near the edge of the fog) Not quite sure what you are talking about. (cut off by The Plug)

The Plug: I GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT!

Alt37: Are you ok? Was anyone with you?  blah, blah, blah

The Plug: I am fine, no one was hurt.

Alt 37: We will talk in the morning.

The Plug: Can you come and get us.

Alt37: No (disconnect phone)

I actually totally enjoyed my film class that I took earlier this year. Writing a story as a screenplay is fun. I really should film that donut shop short.

Anyway back to the story. My son found his way home and sat on the floor in the dining room awaiting his scolding and subsequent beating. I ended up coming out there to take care of the cats and almost tripped over him (I didn't expect a kid to be sitting in the middle of the floor - yes I was pretty much walking around with my eyes closed).

I told him to go to bed and I would give him shit later.

Enough of that - a day or so later I got word that my car was a write off. I looked at my wife and she told me that I could start my mid-life crisis about a year and a half early.

I got my Jeep - however; every Sunday I have to take her for a drive in it with the top off. I guess it is a small price to pay.

The Plug - well  he has no car to drive. Charges pending. Life's lessons learned. He will be OK.

WOW Stuff

Taking time off from the game. I was in the Mists of Panderia beta and it drove me nuts. I realized that I was leveling characters that would disappear when the game came out. I thought, "what a waste of time". Yes that was a Sheldon Cooper oxymoron moment. Watch the Big Bang Theory - WOW account getting hacked episode - you will understand.

Instead I have been playing World of Tanks. My son recommended it and it is absolutely awesome. Free to play. I am sure I will get the new WOW expansion in September, but for now this is a lot of fun.

Conclusion

I think I am done this installment. I have one more before I begin the current - Chicago Trip installment.

Have a great day!

Mmm - Frozen Concoction Maker

So you were wondering where I was for the last month or so. Well my buddy from Chicago sent me the "Maragaritaville - Frozen Concoction Maker" and I guess the rest is history.

We re-outfitted the backyard and it is pretty close to being a piece of paradise, with no annoying sand in the shorts, and all I need is the straw hat.

So, spending a lot of time slurring my words and sitting in the backyard.

WOW and other assorted video games

Haven't played regular WOW in ages. I was on the Beta for a bit and after that last patch it won't let me log in anymore. So to hell with them - I stopped playing that. Been playing Diable III a little bit (since it was free) but even then I haven't been on the computer much.

The Bear

Well as a family, we completed a full year without our beloved dog - Bear. I miss him so much, I took some time today to wash his statue we put in the garden. We talked about getting a new puppy and I think we will be getting one in July. We agreed that he won't be a Golden because it would be a little too hard on the family. So in about a month I will be introducing to you - our new German Shepard puppy. We already have a name for him (my daughter came up with it) - his name will be "Toast".

Have to go, my glass is empty - it's Mojito day.

Cheers

/facepalm - The Screenplay

It's like a broken record. I write something then a couple of months go by and I write some more. I usually say that I am busy. Well in addition to the number of hats I wear at my day job, I also took the time to participate in a 7 week film course. I learned a bit about all aspects of the film industry - camera work, lighting, editing, screenplay writing and all the rest of the jobs. Our instructor is planning to offer a 2 year college course for people wanting to get involved in the industry.

That being said I was out doing my infamous health & safety audits at our local school board, when I happened to stop at a local donut establishment. What ensued inspired me to write a 5 minute film short. If you like it and want to produce it let me know. Spielberg - I am looking at you.

/facepalm

Screenplay by
Alt37

 

Current Revision
March 8, 2012

FADE IN

EXT. PORT COLBORNE – DAY

Opening Credits

“Pinball Wizard” music plays.

Views of a silver Aveo are seen driving around.

INT. AVEO – DAY

Driver singing along with “Pinball Wizard”

View from vehicle as if first person (see hands on steering wheel).

Looking out to right at Tim Horton’s

Music continues from radio (classic rock).

Turning into the Tim Horton’s

EXT. TIM HORTON’S PARKING LOT – DAY

Walking towards entrance

Reaching for door

INT. TIM HORTON’S – DAY

Standing in line, six patrons ahead

EMPLOYEE #1
(loud voice)

                                Next!  I can help the next person!

First person in queue nods and indicates to the second person that they can go ahead.

EMPLOYEE #2
(loud voice)

                                Next!

First person moves forward, satisfied he will be served by his favorite Tim Horton’s staff member.

Camera view pans around restaurant, scanning the patrons.

Camera is jolted back to the left of the store as patron screams excitedly.

EXCITED PATRON
(squeals with happiness)

                                I won! ...              I won! ...

Excited Patron stands up, clutching a Tim Horton’s cup.

Excited Patron moves around the store hugging other patrons. Times stretches.

INT. TIM HORTON’S – DAY

Excited Patron moves to counter, pushing First person out of the way.

EXCITED PATRON
(almost hyperventilating)

                                I won! ... I want my prize! ... I won!

Excited Patron thrusts cup towards Employee #2.

EMPLOYEE #2
(trying to calm things down)

                                You need to tear the rim...

Excited Patron continues pressing the cup forwards.

EMPLOYEE #2 (CONT’D)

I can’t accept the cup; you must tear the winning rim off.

Excited Patron tears the winning section of the rim, presenting it to Employee #2.

EXCITED PATRON
(on verge of heart attack)

                                I won! ... I want my prize!

INT. TIM HORTON’S - DAY

Excitement grows amongst the Queued Patrons (did she win the car?).

Employee #2 takes the torn rim and reads the words on the rim.

EMPLOYEE #2

Your prize- what would you like?

EXCITED PATRON
(muffled by the buzz of the crowd)

EMPLOYEE #2
(even more questioning)

What would you like?

Queued Patrons are becoming confused, First person beginning to look annoyed

EXCITED PATRON
(very loud)

                                An oatmeal raisin cookie!

An audible groan can be heard from the Queued and sitting Patrons, many bringing a palm to their foreheads.

Excited Patron accepts her cookie and retreats back to her table.

The queue begins to move again.

CREDITS ROLL

FADE TO BLACK

Happy Easter

Sound Bite

Ok, so I didn't manage to get myself writing another article last weekend. Just very tired after doing three weeks of high school health & safety inspections. I wanted to rest over the weekend and clear my head or it would just turn into a rant session.

I do have one sound bite to share to sum up what I went through. This is from a teacher at one of the schools, "I don't have time to be safe. I haven't been trained to be safe. If they want me to be safe they will have to provide me with more prep time."

Outstanding. If Ronald Reagan were alive I think we need him to come up here and take care of these teachers. Fire the lot of them and hire new ones. Out of the 45 or so teachers I met during that time only 5 or so were in it because they loved it and it showed.

So, last Monday was the start of a new week. My alarm goes off, I am tired, I have a shower and get dressed and go to work. Report writing, playing a bit of catch up etc. Half dozen coffees and a trip to the bathroom. Standing there, fly down, rummaging around looking for the little guy. Then it dawns on me. I have my underwear on backwards. No opening to be found. Panic sets in, must (pause ) drop (pause - work it like Shatner) pants. Made it.

Now you know you're tired, when you mess up getting dressed in the morning.


WOW Stuff

During the three weeks I was away I didn't have much time to play. Leaving at about 6:00am and returning on some days at 10:00pm. I noticed that when I did play it was to do more relaxing stuff. I managed to get all my toons through the Darkmoon Faire stuff. Happily, I have another week to do the "Love is in the Air" stuff.

My pet peeve about that holiday boss is the drop rate on the good stuff. I think it is non-existant. If anyone has received the "Love Rocket" from the holiday boss let me know.

Have a good one.

Yes - I know

I know, where have I been all month. I have been busy, from spending the last 3 weeks doing a health and safety audit for a school board to finishing up the martial arts program I have been working on for the City of London's Parks and Recreation Department. I am absolutely beat.

So this really isn't going to be my blog. It is really more of a notification that I am still alive. I hope to write a new article this weekend and get back to a more reproducible schedule.

Going to bed now. G'Night

Karma

Two days till Christmas and I am sitting at the dining room table wondering how I am going to pull it off. I even stared out the window for a bit to see if I could see the brunette in the red bathing suit jumping into my imaginary pool. Nope just dreary wet weather - green this year for sure.

During my pondering I noticed something interesting. We have two cats. We got them to keep our dog company when he was in his twilight years. Also, if we went out and forgot to feed him he could eat one of them. The interesting bit though is that when they sleep, one curls counter clockwise and the other if he wasn't too pudgy and could actually curl, curls clockwise. Like a furry Ying Yang, and not where you were going with it.

This brings me to the karma bit. I believe in karma but does it always have to come around at Christmas? Like really? In the last couple months the Kingdom of Alt37 seemed to be turning it around. The bank called a couple of months ago to tell me that one of our mortgages was paid off, a letter from Dell notifying us that our computer was paid off and on the horizon a payday for the martial arts program I am writing for the parks and recreation department of an Ontario city.

Things are looking up. Then in the last few weeks - the Queen of our kingdom's car needed repairs, our royal ice box needed repair and the people that we agreed were not getting presents this year suddenly made it into the good books. On top of that, the bank calls back and informs me that the mortgage that we paid off was the mortgage that had the property taxes built in.

So I had to contact the city to get set up for automatic withdrawal (I figured I would just continue to put the "mortgage" money in the account). Makes sense right? Wouldn't miss it. Well, the confirmation letter back from the city had a monthy payment greater than the mortgage payment that I just finished paying off. How does that work?

Paid "X" on the mortgage which was to cover Principle, Interest and City Taxes. We'll say $180.

Now on automatic withdrawal property taxes are "Y". We'll say $242.

Scratches Head

When the accounting is done, this month still comes out in the red, /facepalm. I guess I will have to raid the peasants piggy banks. I am allowed, I am the King.

One day - Karma will swing my way.

Merry "Insert politically correct statement for whichever festive occasion you participate in"

Sunday Morning

It has been a blur since my last posting. I am trying to decide if the old saying, "Times goes fast when your having fun." applies in this situation. There has already been Christmas lights up for the last couple weeks. Why are people trying to rush these things?

For those who know me I changed my status last night to read - "Bake at 400C for 25 minutes or until desired colour is achieved". Well that was off - it should be 400F. If the temperature was 400C then the desired colour I guess would be "black". I just thought it interesting. When one eats pork one hopes that the internal temperature of the meat reaches the "salmonella is dead" temperature rather than a pleasing exterior colour.

For those that read this blog for humorous anecdotes, I have none today. I think it is more due to my "oldtimers", rather than there being nothing funny happening in my life. I guess I just need to carry a pen and paper around to document them. Those of you that follow this blog for a glimmer into my exploits in WOW, your in luck. This posting is going to be for you.

Patch 4.3

IT SUCKS

I am not going to delve into the specifics of different class mechanics, I am going to stick with the big picture stuff.

• Void Bank
• Transmorgification
• Darkmoon Faire
• Raid Finder

I am going to lead off with the good, then go to the bad, then the ugly.

Transmorgification

Haven't tried it. So no comment.

Darkmoon Faire

The games were fun however; the one game where you have to shoot the targets. Why do the Tauren players have to stand pretty much on the counter. Be courteous. You can barely see what is going on. Blizzard should have made that booth bigger and had an invisible wall so you can't get too close. Other than that - this is a good.

Void Bank

This is bad - Open it up and it costs 100G to open the account, then it is 25G per item I think to deposit (Wasn't able to actually deposit anything so not sure if there was a discount for multiple deposits). I guess Blizzard wants to match the service charges of the Bank of America, or the Royal Bank of Canada depending on your locale of residency. How about no service charges and they call it the "Void Credit Union".

Oh, so about the depositing. I went to my player's bank when I logged in all a giddy with anticipation of clearing out a pile of stuff that I wanted to keep but was taking up a ton of space. I brought it all to the Void Bank and paid my 100G. Only to be told that I can't deposit anything that is "Unique". Well that is about everything in my bank. Six years of celebratory steins, and other assorted world event trash. I could deposit nothing. So other than tier gear which I don't collect what use it this?

Raid Finder

This gets the designation of ugly. Again I was all excited to log in and queue up for a Lich King. I never did get my Kingslayer. Completed up to the second last boss several times then the raid fell apart. I figured awesome, finally going to get it. What do I see? Only 2 raids available and you need something like an ilvl 370 to get in. Blizzard, if I had an ilvl of 370 don't you think I would be raiding that content with my guild. UGH!

I thought that all the raids would be represented. Eg. If I was a level 70 or higher with a minimum ilvl x, I would be able to queue for Karazhan, or Black Temple etc.

Two raids, what a waste of energy on their part. The only way of pulling this out of ugly is some plastic surgery. I hope in the next few months they open it to all raids.

That's it, going to the faire.

Time

It's November - Christmas is about 53 days away and the local department stores are setting up their displays. This year seems to be just flying by. My daughter turned 13 and showed me a photo of her kissing her "boyfriend" at the halloween dance a couple days ago. I almost had a stroke. Everything is moving too fast.

Even in WOW, Blizzard announces a new expansion and all you see everywhere is Panderia this and Panderia that. It's like they put up the Christmas decorations and we still have to get through Thanksgiving (US) still and Patch 4.3. I know there had to be the hype element, but seriously - do you think it will be released in July 2012 like the polls at WOW Insider are suggesting. I guess Blizzard needs to make their money before the end of the world - JK.

I am also trying to come to grips with my advanced stages of "oldtimers". Where I think to myself, "What just happened? This would be a great blog article.", only to forget it in a blink of an eye. I guess I will have to start taking some notes on my travels.

So I am going to try and list the things that have happened in the last few weeks that I thought were somewhat interesting to me (in no particular order - Oldtimers).

Halloween

From my Facebook status, "Ok - Halloween night - So what does it mean when the lights get turned out? Oh yeah - the candy is gone. Some kids need to learn some Halloween etiquette."

I turned off the lights and I was still getting the odd group coming to the door for candy. Really? Use your Tim Horton job money and buy your own candy. One "kid" that did come to the door was standing 6'4". At least he came at a reasonable hour and had a full understanding of Halloween etiquette. The knock, the "trick or treat", the passing of candy, the "thank you". Good job - now go out and get one.

Another woman brought her 2 month old to the door. Again, really? Pretty sad.

Martial Arts

A couple of weeks ago I got a pretty good "George Horse" to my left knee. I say "George" because it was way more severe than a standard "Charlie Horse". Almost a full 3 weeks of hobbling around, apparently with the "oldtimers" there is a slowing of the physical healing as well.

My program that I am developing for a city in Ontario is going well. A lot of the drafts are done and I am working on the instructors guide. Working on getting some photos done because there is only so much you can describe without a picture being required for that extra thousand words.

Looking forward to the submission and the people who hired the expert, telling the expert how he should be doing it. Should be interesting.

WOW Stuff

One word, "overwhelmed". Patch 4.3 is coming out and I have barely read any of the patch notes. I am not even sure what is happening in it. Then the expansion announcement comes and really causes a cataclysmic upheaval to my WOW world. The talent changes alone were giving me a headache. Remember, I am the guy with the 37 alts. I rely on cookie cutter. I guess time will tell.

With the "Mists of Panderia" coming, and the new race and class, have you parked any names for your new monk toon? Let me know. I wanted to use "TheyCallMeBruce", but lo an behold I was 3 characters short, so I parked, "CallMeBruce". The original movie - "They Call Me Bruce" was screened in 1982, I think I enjoyed it, what 29 years ago.